Ambition Bird

“All night dark wings flopping in my heart” –Anne Sexton

Ambition birds are most active at night, but will awaken any moment serenity is proposed. They are that agitated recognition that time is not limitless, and rest is time wasted.

It feels both a particular and general recognition - that some achievement, some poem written, some sculpture formed will free that bird, and free your longing.

But there are always more birds, or maybe always the same bird. There is no real satisfaction. It is the pursuit of life, and the pursuit only brings deeper acquaintance with the desire.

My ambition bird has flown the coop.

She is not free, but no longer lives within my heart only to stir and flop in the darkness of night. She pecks at my head, tries to make a nest in my hair - always catching me unawares and frantically trying to bat her off.

She is more restful if granted quarter. If I let her nest up there, she can’t catch me off guard. She is instead a kind of pet; not caged, but one I will never free. Her reminders of the lateness of the hour and the work left to make become my fixations with objects - my late night (still her most formidable hour) solitary conversations with objects. All with the hope of someday getting it right.

My ambitions are in these objects. In the things I make by hand, and the promise of what I might make next.

Let’s examine some birds - the strange mind bends that keep me up at night and the shapes they take in my waking hours. This newsletter will explore the ways my ambition bird takes flight.